My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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