Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
