Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
