Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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