I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
