She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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