maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
