Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
