hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
