I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
