Please, let me fuck your mom
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
