she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
