He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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