you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
