I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
