I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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