I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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