He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
