I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
