Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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