walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
