I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The air was thick with penises
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
