i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
