he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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