Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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