No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
