Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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