The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this beer tastes like vomit already
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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