Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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