Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
