he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
