we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
