it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
