New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
