i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
