is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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