You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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