I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
