After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
