we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I could fuck to npr.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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