think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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