walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
