Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
