the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
