Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
