You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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