She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
