new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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