my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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