Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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