Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
