the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
