I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
