I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
